My heroes think I'm an idiot

This morning I had a meeting with my course leader, a man I greatly respect. He's done a lot of impressive work that I admire. I have a lot of time for somebody who is so passionate about what they do and how they help. My filming-partner and I sat down to discuss our film with him and all I could ever say was annoying stupid comments.

Before we met with him, we went over all the bits of the film. We know what we're making a film about and hopefully we'll get to meet our star later this week. We've got a great idea and it should be a nice film. Yet somehow, I manage to stumble, say something that really isn't very funny at all and leave my friend to pick up the pieces, explaining how far we've actually got.

What's even more annoying about my comments are that I know, just as I'm saying them, that they're stupid. The device which stops me from saying stupid things breaks whenever I meet somebody I respect.

Even more annoyingly, this also happens with women. I'm the friendliest, most gentle person in the world with everybody I know, but if I admire somebody, somehow all the crap that I save just falls out of my mouth and I look like an idiot.

You'd think, if I know all this, it shouldn't be hard not to make a fool of myself. But somehow, because I know this, it runs around in my head taunting me for a while. I stop myself from saying something, then it jumps out of my head and I make one of those jokes where your buttocks tense up because you're so embarrassed for me.